Today, I sent my son Away!

Today, I sent my firstborn to an internship on the mission field. Raising children is definitely the hardest tasks to do in this world. There are so many challenges. First, and foremost parents are sinners. We were born sinful.  Even if we repent and believe in Jesus, we still have these fleshly inclinations. Believers, thankfully, have the Spirit abiding in us to convict and encourage us to look to Christ. Yet this life involves a continuous dying to self.  

So bringing children into this world and raising them for the glory of God is the aim.  But at times there is a desperation that comes over you that says, “I can’t change my child’s heart and I can’t make them love Jesus!”  Therefore the believing parent is always crying out to their Abba Father, “Help Father, I can’t father like You!”  

I will never forget the joy and desperation that came over me when my wife told me she was pregnant with our son.  See, we had been here before but the results were a child in heaven not a baby to hold in our arms.  The previous miscarriage had broken us. And the pain was still fresh in our hearts.  We loved God and knew he wanted our first child for some unknown reason.  But when the news came that there was another child God had given us, the joy was tempered by the concern in the back of my mind. Would I see this little one? Would I hold this little one? Would I be able to raise this little one? 

Almost immediately the joy and desperation hit me. “O Father, I can’t father, unless You want me to father! Praise You, Lord, for giving me another offspring, yet Lord, He is Yours not mine. My hands are open, Lord. His life is in Your hands. You are the Father, I am your son. Thank You for loving me.”  

Thus started the process of transforming my heart into a pliable and yet dependent son, who was imitating my Father.  Andrew was born and everyday since then has been learning this lesson over and over again.  

I have committed Andrew to the Lord thousands of times.   From early days, when I would stand silently at his bedside watching his little chest rise up and down as he breathed in sleep, to the seemingly endless times of discipline during those toddler years, to the pain teenage years when everything I said was useless to him in his eyes.  I have cried to the Lord be glorified in him. I have shed tears of joy and tears pain hundreds of times. One thing is true, Andrew has made me a more dependent adopted son of God.  

So this morning, as I drove our son to the airport to go to the mission field for an internship, I found myself once again praying that same prayer that has echoed from my heart for these 20 years.  This time I rolled back the curtain and let my son hear it as I prayed out loud, tears flowing from my eyes, trying to see through the tears and the rain on the windshield.  

Father, here I am again. He is Yours. Take Him Lord use Him for Your glory. Father help Him to share the hope of Christ with others. Help Andrew to be bold yet compassionate, strong but gentle, loving but firm in the truth. But most of all, Lord, may he seek You more and more every day. May he depend upon You and find You to be his all-satisfying Father and God.